Social Media can be “not so great” if you’ve not got another person you can share your problems with. It can be a best friend too, but then friendships aren’t as exciting these days. While, I am a single myself I can relate to every person who wants to fast forward through February. Don’t worry people, I stand with you and am proud of you for getting past this extremely torturous month. The very little I can do, I will do. Give you ideas about being a lot cooler. One is to not drag introductions. So, here we go.
1. Troll couples on Social Media.
This is an extremely cool way to pass time. If you’re unhappy, make everyone else feel the pain. There are lots of ridiculous, atrocious, head paining, horribly offensive stuff on the web. You just need to choose ‘em one by one and share them through your various Social Media accounts. Something like, “There’s life, there’s death, and then there’s getting into a relationship with someone who hates sex” is a good start. You can only make your posts worse from here.
It’d be a huge hit, especially on Twitter! Nobody would realize your pain. So what are you waiting for? Ah, 5 more points … I see.
2. Brag about being single!
If you see the glass “half full” even when it’s empty. I am apologetic for my previous point. You don’t need to change yourself, but what you can do is as effortless, and as annoying – to everyone else. It’s all about you. Why care about people!? So, start bragging about how cool being single is. Tell everyone you don’t need anyone in life. None to complete you because you’re a solved Algebraic expression. As clear as it gets. Start with: “India’s Prime minister is ‘single’. India’s greatest President was single. Salman Khan is virgin. Patrakar PopatLal is too and I am the coolest thing since the ‘Ice age’. Priceless.”
3. Advice: Nothing beats a Single giving Relationship advices!
Find happiness sadistically. Don’t mind hearts being shattered or relationships being broken to make yourself laugh. Lots of people come to me for relationship advises, and I on almost all instances spend hours trying to get people to “walk out” of their relationship. If you’re to tell me how your boyfriend and girlfriend didn’t pick up a call of yours, I’d give up my life trying to prove how big an unpardonable CRIME that is, and why you should dump that ignorant, mean idiot!
“Friend: Buddy, I think he might be cheating on me.
Your advice should be: Ah, according to the University of Oxford if you think your partner is cheating on you, dump them. History suggests that 99. 9% times they are cheating. Having known your boyfriend he has nothing in him to suggest he’d be in the 0.1%. Spice it up!
4. Disgrace Tinder, TrulyMad and ALL dating sites!
Nothing makes you look cooler than everyone knowing you’re single and you don’t have a Tinder account! It’s okay if you’ve one, but that girl or boy you’re tweeting to doesn’t need to know that. Go a step further and start posting about how dating sites are ruining the essence of relationships. How you’ve lost trust in relationships because everyone is selfish. Probably add up a fake High school love story for extra flavours. Tell everyone how your partner cheated on you. How you’ve kept people who’ve loved you at one hand distance. Let them know that you don’t care about what people think and say. (Wo)Man, you’re in for being a total bad@ss!
If everything else is hard, and you can’t stop yourself, and being single is as difficult as “being human” for you. Add that Tinder ain’t working as well. Flirt. Twitter is a great place to start. Everyone understands your pain. Start with posting about being “friendzoned” or “brozoned” or maybe tweet a simple “Ah, I am so lonely. I don’t want to live anymore.” Something like a “Truth or Dare” game where you just tell them how good you feel about them and how they are like sneezing – do clarify that they too stop your heartbeat and they are as awesome as the next Avengers movie. Say anything you like and think to be convenient. Of course, you don’t have to pay anything. Flatter the next person till they say, “Baby, I love you. You sound better than my gramophone“. Destiny could work wonders. Things like “I know I am not good enough for you” and “Bae, you make me cry” are even better. Good luck.
6. Meditate! Exercise! Gain!
Not everything needs to be about Social Media. If you’re not on any Social Media, which has minimal possibility. You can do better things than just killing your time on the web.Not that it’s lame, I do it 24×7. Still you can do boring stuff outside it. One of ‘em is getting healthier. Health is wealth as you know, and what better than giving your body – time. We’re living increasingly bad lifestyles and aging is due to be much worse than previous generations. So exercise! Not just your muscles, but also your brain, and if possible also your heart – Nothing philosophical, I am talking about doing cardio exercises you fool.
Fact: Exercising makes you lot happier. I’d love to give you a link to find more about this, but I am already exhausted from my hours of Twitter Yoga.
Here’s a WTF image to go with a WTF post! Captions needed?
Thanks for reading, waiting to hear from you, friend! Keep smiling!