Things A Single Should Do Over Social Media

Social Media can be “not so great” if you’ve not got another person you can share your problems with. It can be a best friend too, but then friendships aren’t as exciting these days. While, I am a single myself I can relate to every person who wants to fast forward through February. Don’t worry people, I stand with you and am proud of you for getting past this extremely torturous month. The very little I can do, I will do. Give you ideas about being a lot cooler. One is to not drag introductions. So, here we go.

1. Troll couples on Social Media. 

This is an extremely cool way to pass time. If you’re unhappy, make everyone else feel the pain. There are lots of ridiculous, atrocious, head paining, horribly offensive stuff on the web. You just need to choose ‘em one by one and share them through your various Social Media accounts. Something like, “There’s life, there’s death, and then there’s getting into a relationship with someone who hates sex” is a good start. You can only make your posts worse from here.

It’d be a huge hit, especially on Twitter! Nobody would realize your pain. So what are you waiting for? Ah, 5 more points … I see.

2. Brag about being single!

If you see the glass “half full” even when it’s empty. I am apologetic for my previous point. You don’t need to change yourself, but what you can do is as effortless, and as annoying – to everyone else. It’s all about you. Why care about people!? So, start bragging about how cool being single is. Tell everyone you don’t need anyone in life. None to complete you because you’re a solved Algebraic expression. As clear as it gets. Start with: “India’s Prime minister is ‘single’. India’s greatest President was single. Salman Khan is virgin. Patrakar PopatLal is too and I am the coolest thing since the ‘Ice age’. Priceless.

3. Advice: Nothing beats a Single giving Relationship advices!

Find happiness sadistically. Don’t mind hearts being shattered or relationships being broken to make yourself laugh. Lots of people come to me for relationship advises, and I on almost all instances spend hours trying to get people to “walk out” of their relationship. If you’re to tell me how your boyfriend and girlfriend didn’t pick up a call of yours, I’d give up my life trying to prove how big an unpardonable CRIME that is, and why you should dump that ignorant, mean idiot! 

Example: 

Friend: Buddy, I think he might be cheating on me.

Your advice should be: Ah, according to the University of Oxford if you think your partner is cheating on you, dump them. History suggests that 99. 9% times they are cheating. Having known your boyfriend he has nothing in him to suggest he’d be in the 0.1%. Spice it up!

4. Disgrace Tinder, TrulyMad and ALL dating sites!

Nothing makes you look cooler than everyone knowing you’re single and you don’t have a Tinder account! It’s okay if you’ve one, but that girl or boy you’re tweeting to doesn’t need to know that. Go a step further and start posting about how dating sites are ruining the essence of relationships. How you’ve lost trust in relationships because everyone is selfish. Probably add up a fake High school love story for extra flavours. Tell everyone how your partner cheated on you. How you’ve kept people who’ve loved you at one hand distance. Let them know that you don’t care about what people think and say. (Wo)Man, you’re in for being a total bad@ss!

5.) Flirt!

If everything else is hard, and you can’t stop yourself, and being single is as difficult as “being human” for you. Add that Tinder ain’t working as well. Flirt. Twitter is a great place to start. Everyone understands your pain. Start with posting about being “friendzoned” or “brozoned” or maybe tweet a simple “Ah, I am so lonely. I don’t want to live anymore.” Something like a “Truth or Dare” game where you just tell them how good you feel about them and how they are like sneezing – do clarify that they too stop your heartbeat and they are as awesome as the next Avengers movie. Say anything you like and think to be convenient. Of course, you don’t have to pay anything. Flatter the next person till they say, “Baby, I love you. You sound better than my gramophone“. Destiny could work wonders. Things like “I know I am not good enough for you” and “Bae, you make me cry” are even better. Good luck.

6. Meditate! Exercise! Gain!

Not everything needs to be about Social Media. If you’re not on any Social Media, which has minimal possibility. You can do better things than just killing your time on the web.Not that it’s lame, I do it 24×7. Still you can do boring stuff outside it. One of ‘em is getting healthier. Health is wealth as you know, and what better than giving your body – time. We’re living increasingly bad lifestyles and aging is due to be much worse than previous generations. So exercise! Not just your muscles, but also your brain, and if possible also your heart – Nothing philosophical, I am talking about doing cardio exercises you fool. 

Fact: Exercising makes you lot happier. I’d love to give you a link to find more about this, but I am already exhausted from my hours of Twitter Yoga. 

Here’s a WTF image to go with a WTF post! Captions needed?

Thanks for reading, waiting to hear from you, friend! Keep smiling!

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Awwwwwwww…

​That awkward moment when you’re reading a sports article, scrolling down, and suddenly appears “10 movies where they really did IT!” With sponsorships and ads, one always expects these kind of stuff, but I always find it funny. Not that I’m tough to make laugh. Something as simple as “Awwwwwwww” makes me smile. This “Awwwwwwww” thing is fantastic though. So, fantastic that I’ve a joke. It’s getting old too soon, but I’ll crack it here. Hold your breath, here’s the joke:

Q.)What did the mad dog say to the man on street?

A.) Bhawwww bhawwww! 

Ain’t it an “awwwwww” inspiring joke? Letting the joke go, and being serious, I’d like to confess something. Something that I was reminded of just moments ago. Something I didn’t even have in my mind, when I started writing this post. Yes, this blog is so random. 

The confession: I met her for the last time today, or at least the second last time. The words will go unsaid. All those advises about expressing yourself, never living a life with “What IF’s,” go in vain. I have never been good with saying what I feel, and it’s unfortunate but that’s the way I am. This was probably the closest I got to what people call love, what’s even sad is that it was probably the only time I thought I would tell someone what I feel. But, life goes on, as they say. People will come and go, although I fear she’d never be replaced. The funny part is that I part with her, as unknown to her, as I was, when we met the first time even after being “friends” for so long.

This is getting a bit tough to write, so I wouldn’t describe anything, or even talk about it anymore. I wanted to confess it on the blog. To sum up, now she’s gone, gone forever. Unaware of “everything”. As this fool moves on with life.

I feel terribly sad know, even if this confession is a work of fiction. Somebody give me a tissue paper please. Have a good day friends. Waiting for your “Awwwww’s”. Thanks for reading! After this, if this is the last time you read my blog, I don’t blame you. The world is full of lies and sadistic humour. Love you all. Really. 
Awwwwwwww… 

Describe this pic below.

“Wrong number, ma’am!” Why you should double-check the “dialed number”.

Life is unpredictable. Nobody has ever written an autobiography upfront. There is just no way to predict what’s going to happen next. While sometimes somethings can happen for the worse, mostly life is kind enough to bring you great surprises… and yeah, sometimes things happen which just leave you laughing your guts off. 

My latest Monday morning started that way. I was awaken by the sound of my cellphone’s ringtone. I am never a big fan of my phone ringing, especially when I’m in sleep. I rarely get any calls though, my phone’s mostly silent, so when my phone rings early morning – my inner self screams, “No, please call an hour or two later.” But, they aren’t listening, so the phone keeps ringing. This time, It shouldn’t have rung for long too when I picked it up, and before I could’ve spoke out – a voice from the other end said, “Jaan, please kuch bolo na.”[Translation: Dear (or darling or honey or something similar), please say something..]

What!?” I said, a bit surprised and confused. I was completely awaken now, and after realizing what may have happened, I did well to not laugh as the initial response. There was a momentary silence followed by a sort of embarrassed (as I assume) “Oh!” 

Wrong number, ma’am!” I said, and the other phone disconnected within the split of a second. I had managed to not laugh when the call was active, but I found the incident extremely funny. It was a sweet voice, but very honestly it’s QUITE a mistake to get your “Jaan’s” (Google autocorrected it to Japan’s for once) number wrong. 

This is probably the most I’ve laughed to start a Monday morning. I was awaken by then, and my mom noticed that too. She said (or taunted), “Jaldi with gaya aaj.” [You woke up early today]. As obedient as I’m went back to sleep, and rose again a good 2 hours later. But, that phone call will be the subject of my laughter for some time to come. I hope she got Mr. Japan’s number right next time.

To make your day better, here’s a beautiful picture.

If you have a story tell or something to share about “missed calls”, do comment. Great day ahead.