Note to future Self.

Dear future self,

Feeling awkward reading this? No, you’re smiling, right? Please, don’t make a joke of out it – I’m afraid you will, – but this is the younger version of you, writing to you. I don’t know what kind of gadgets you use, but I’m using a smartphone that I know won’t be too smart by your time. Still, my Micromax is a proud possession. Ah! Well, you are me too. Why am I clarifying matters? You must understand me well enough, old man. “Old man” – Does it hurt? But, again you’re the wiser “me”.

I hope you’ve still a bit of black among the grey, and still have vision in your eyes. Are you still as cool as your past “me”? So, if you still have got the memory, you must have by now most of your life story. I hope you still have jokes at the back of your head, and hoping mom is still there to look after you, thinking her son is mad, though please don’t make her run for everything, like I do currently. I hope Dad’s still fit, but also hoping he doesn’t need to worry about bringing the bread home by your time. Do you talk to ’em regularly? If you don’t, please do. They are nice people. What about my brothers, sisters, nieces. How do they look by then? Hoping the ” old women” are alive still. Maybe, I’m asking too much, but I’m used to seeing them daily. I am using “hope” too many times, but you must know me well. If forgotten, let this be a reminder to you, that “hope” was once the fuel you lived by. Still living in a joint family? Don’t laugh for it being a stupid question, was just curious. Can you blame me? Not many people have that privilege. Often worries me, the unpredictability of life.

My past, present and most of my future are memories to you. My problems are your lessons. My questions, your knowledge; Mistakes, your wisdom. Are you wise? Sorry! Not offending, but is my “future’s self” happy with me? Is he happy with what the 22 year old Rahul did for him? I ask for your pardon if you aren’t, but even if laziness hurts my cause, your younger self always soaks in every pinch of wisdom, nature and its inhabitants offer.

Nobody is wise enough. In fact, the person wise enough has enough to support his cause for a fool. Surely, my future self ain’t fooling. But, did you study more than I? Did you get a college degree? Are you unhappy with me dropping out? No. Thanks. I knew my future self will do it for me. Must have been a distance learning program, right? Who am I kidding, I’ve already entered one. Forgiveness is expected, and you know how I am.

I hope you didn’t have to work for somebody else. In case, if you had to, I hope you lasted more than 2 days. Is that blog post still there? Do you blog still? Is internet still the same? Kids must have a hard time finding usernames on Social Media. What’s the world’s population. 10 billion? Seems perfect. Can only imagine people competing for survival with such population. I shiver at the thought that another world war has cursed mankind. More bombs dropped, more of nature’s creation destroyed. Sadness covers my soul at the thought, an unknown fear arises.

Is fear your most thought about word too? Are you afraid of ghosts as well. Do you feel someone is going to show up on your way to toilet alone, when darkness resides? Are you afraid of death? Do you have a reason to live? My biggest fear is getting up someday, and having a feeling of not being worthy of the breaths. I wonder how old men think.

On a lighter note, do you curse me for not exercising and keeping fit. I know you do, this guy wants to keep fit, and wants to care about you, and has desires to do everything to keep his senior self fit, but you know me well. There are just always better things to do. Ah! How’re your childhood friends? Do you blame your younger self for having so few friends? I get a feeling that those couple of friendships will last a lifetime. Even if we can’t always be together. I will keep ’em in my writings and within. Do you even remember your friends? Don’t snap, old age has it’s concerns. If you do remember, you must not be too unhappy, I helped you with more people through the web.

Please, don’t get agitated. Few important queries are yet to come. The younger “you” considers himself a writer, a blogger, and many things to achieve he doesn’t share. Has the older me achieved “success”? What does success means to you? I hope you’ve earned the money to spend though. Wisely.

Another question, and one mom would be pretty interested in. Are you married? Don’t laugh at it, but just wondering if I am a person who needs someone in life. The order I grow, the more I realize I do. So, did I marry? If yes. Arranged or l*ve? (Can you use the word more precisely?). Kids? Let it be there, but I seek something more in life. You know what it is. Do you? Have I changed with time?

Lastly, I know you reflect, I can feel you turning the page backwards a lot. Excited my heart’s to know if you’re satisfied with what you did, and the person you have become? If not.. Have you given up? The best thing about my life is – I always have a problem. Problems remind me of myself being alive. Tasks are given a try, failing and passing happens, but my brain always ends up with something to share. Do you have stories to tell? Do you help people? Are you generous? Above all – Are you still alive?

The problem is that no FAX can help me with your reply too soon, but I’ll wait for the day. I’m in no hurry. I respect time and life. So, asking for forgiveness, and accepting gratitude for the things you still smile at. A part of you can only write so much.

I can actually write more. Cricket, pro wrestling and much more haven’t been touched, but I won’t bother anymore. Though, is still the “realness” of pro wrestling debated? Is still a popular art? Heck, I forgot to ask Is Rahul Dravid still your favourite cricketer? Is the wall standing tall. I am crazy, ain’t I? Are you? Anyways, good luck.

Your lovingly,
Your younger self.
21st June, 2016.

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